No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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