Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
