allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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