I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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