U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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