She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
