When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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