Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
