You smell like stripper and shame
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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