so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Please don't give away my fajitas
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