i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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