The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
