so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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