I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
