That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
