Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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