maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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