dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
