were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
