Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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