Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
