Where did you get a picture of my penis
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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