youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've blown a few things in my day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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