hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
