my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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