Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
