i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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