Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
