if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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