You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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