he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
