my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Are we still banned from the library?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
