I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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