between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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