Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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