Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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