Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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