he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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