i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
