Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
