Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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