Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
