you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
