someone threw a dead crab at me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
