You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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