you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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