can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
