It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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