Got a toothbrush?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
