im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize