I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
