I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
