i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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