I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think my moral compass just broke
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
