Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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