i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
