You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
