it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
