i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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