I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
