3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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