I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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