he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
