my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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