it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
