Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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