Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
