he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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