New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
