I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
