Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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