U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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