Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
