What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please come you make the beer taste better
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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