pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
