Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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