I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
