I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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