I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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