dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
