Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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